Dwight Fletcher | Letting go, forgiving myself – Part 1

THERE’S SOMETHING about the start of the new school year that feels a little bit like January 1. After summer, everything kicks back into high gear as students, teachers and workers return to ‘everyday life’. It’s one of the reasons that September is a great time to reflect, and plan for growth for the rest of the year.

If we want to end this year better than we began, there are some small changes we can make. I want to discuss one such option that can lead to powerful results.

Did you know that of all the sins that affect our lives, unforgiveness is one of the most dangerous? Unforgiveness destroys us quickly. It affects our relationships, our emotions, and even our health. However, when we learn to forgive, we’ll be happier, healthier and have stronger, more meaningful relationships. Forgiveness is one key to freedom and a better life.

One of my friends and pastors at Transformed Life Church, Pastor Marsha Davidson, once preached a powerful sermon on forgiveness. She mentioned that it requires us to acknowledge that an offence has been committed. Any attempt to disregard the offence only magnifies its effect in our lives. It goes deeper, and is more devastating the longer we hold on to it. She also shared seven commitments to finding freedom, including acknowledging the offence, recognising our own feelings, releasing the debt, resolving to not grow bitter, and giving up the need for revenge. That entire message on ‘Letting Go’ is worth watching on Transformed Life Church’s YouTube page, but today I want to go a little further.

Normally when we think of forgiveness, we think of another person, but what happens when the person you have to forgive is yourself? Even though it’s inherently difficult, it’s often easier to speak about forgiving others than it is to speak about forgiving ourselves; but self-forgiveness is critical.

So many of us walk around with hurt, anger, guilt, and resentment towards ourselves – we ‘have up’ ourselves in our own hearts. And it stems from the decisions we have made in life.

All of us, at one time or another, have fallen into this trap. We think we are making a good decision, but we don’t see the hidden ‘catch’, and the consequences of our choices. We end up with emotional baggage or financial disaster, and we are upset with ourselves for making such a costly mistake.

Sometimes it’s sin. We step outside of God’s will for our lives and, as it always does, there’s a negative impact. Some of the consequences of stepping out of God’s will are:

– Disappointment over missed opportunities

– Regret over past mistakes

– Lost dreams

– Self-loathing

But sometimes it’s not even sin. It’s just an embarrassing moment, like falling down the stairs in front of people; or a poor decision, like changing jobs only for the company to downsize within a few months. All of a sudden, there’s that little voice in our heads condemning us and replaying the moment on an endless loop.

To move forward, the only solution is forgiving ourselves. Even as you read this, there might be a small thing that pops into your head. Don’t discount the memory or thought. You must forgive yourself for the sins committed and the mistakes you’ve made. I know it can be hard, but God makes the impossible possible.

In our culture, we are taught to hide our mistakes and not think about them, but what we hide has power over us. What we bury alive comes out of the grave to haunt us. Any untreated wound festers, and eats away at our self-assurance and our sense of God’s love for us.

This is why we’re going to take the next few weeks to discuss what it means to forgive ourselves, and how to practically do it. Join me next Sunday as we dive in.