Gordon Robinson | The essence of discernment

The latest drama in Apocrypha, our favourite fantasyland, unfolded as it appeared on a list of countries whose citizens were barred from applying for USA immigrant visas.

Oma D’unn’s consultancy firm, Oma Unsacked, was deluged with frantic customers wanting to know how to avoid the ban. Regular readers remember Oma, a former Finance Minister whose hobby of advising political partners and rivals alike how to escape political dilemmas. He started with his opposite number R.U. Shaw but, as word spread, more politicians sought him out. After he retired from politics, demand for his services widened beyond politics so he opened the Firm.

This time Apocrypha’s Foreign Affairs Minister, Ahkneida Johnson consulted Oma for advice on keeping Apocryphans calm when not even the USA Embassy appeared to know what was going on.

Oma advised her to buy bags of dirt. Ahkneida was confused so Oma told her the story of an American border guard.

Jim is working at the Mexican/American border and stops a car at a checkpoint. The driver shows the guard license, visa, and passport, but is clearly nervous and sweating bullets. Jim pops the trunk to reveal four large bags. He opens them, only to see that every one of them is filled with dirt.

One week later, Jim stops the same driver. Once again, the driver has all the proper documentation, but is clearly nervous. Jim pops the trunk to reveal, lo and behold, four more large bags each filled to the brim with dirt.

This happens repeatedly for the next 2 years. Frustrated, Jim quits and opens a bar in El Paso. A year later, a man walks into Jim’s bar. Jim instantly recognizes him as the “dirt driver”; quickly strikes up a conversation with him; and says, “look, buddy, drinks are on me all night if you just tell me what you were smuggling”.

The man leans back in his chair, smirks, and says, “Cars”.

Akhneida still didn’t understand so Oma explained that she should console frightened Apocryphans by showing them they’re better off staying in Apocrypha or travelling to any other Country but USA. Oma told her all is not milk and honey there; the majority of the people are too emotionally unintelligent and insular to see what’s hidden in plain sight. If Apocryphans feel they must enter USA try the dirt trick but America is doing Apocryphans a favour by refusing them entry.

Oma was right. I don’t understand why Jamaicans are so obsessed with migrating to USA. Firstly it’s not our country. USA is entitled to craft and implement whatever immigration policy it wants. Secondly, the current policy is new only in its express provisions but its philosophy hasn’t changed since slavery was abolished.

I found a comment by Donald “Agent Orange” Trump on Denmark’s unimpeachable claim to Greenland fascinating in its combined hypocrisy and stupidity: “The fact that they had a boat land there 500 years ago doesn’t mean that they own the land.”

What the actual Brass Bowl? That’s EXACTLY how White Europeans colonized America. They landed on a boat 500 years ago; conquered the natives; and captured their land. Since 1865, Americans can’t legally own slaves but have treated non-whites as non-humans to deal with whimsically including lynching them for looking at white women. In the 1960s Martin Luther King fought and won legislative changes but not one single American open or closeted White Supremacist’s mindset changed.

Now that mindset is refreshed, re-empowered and re-emboldened.

You are not welcome there. Why insist on going? I know opportunities in Jamaica are limited so many young people want to migrate. But there are many countries you can try outside of the grand USA illusion.

Back in Apocrypha, Oma told Ahkneida another story to illustrate the level of Americans’ ability to discern what’s good for them.

A cocky young American applied for a forklift job at a local firm in his home town. A migrant also applied.

Since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test in a quiet room. When the results came, both scored 19 out of 20.

The manager said to the local lad: “Thank you for coming in but we’ve decided to give the migrant the job.”

“Why’d you do that?” replied the local guy, “We both got 19 questions right! Surely I should get the job over a foreigner?”

The manager responded, “We’ve made our decision not on the correct answers but on the question you got wrong.”

“How would one incorrect answer be better than another?” the cocky lad smugly enquired. The Manager replied “Simple. On question number 7 the migrant wrote ‘I don’t know.’ You wrote ‘Neither do I.’”

Every time someone moves to the USA from their home country, the average IQ of both nations go up.

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com